Part Two Of The Beginning Of The End.

I'll take up where I left off: The Bible Study, where I thought my friend was shooting daggers at me.Well, Michael J. ( I call Mike that, not 2 be confused with our son Michael.) and I  left the Bible Study, and Michael J. was mad at me. he said God would judge me 4 disrupting our home fellowship.Well, from that time until November, I was able to function halfway normally..But, once I got mad at a brother, as he said I was reaping what I had sewed, that's why I was going through this.He's not a mean person, nor is Michael J. Just overdosed on stupid pills.When I got mad it was dark out, and I stormed out of the house.I walked 2 a town 7 miles away without knowing it, until I got a ride with a ( Nice guy, thank God)guy, and he told me.He gave me a ride 2 a close friend's but they weren't home. Then, another ( Nice) guy gave me a ride home from there.If any kids are reading this, please don't ever take a ride from a stranger. Because of the extreme circumstances the Lord protected me. But, years later another woman from my town , walking her dog late at night was brutaly raped and killed.Don't take a chance!!!Well,I returned home same night I stormed out.Michael J. was glad 2 see me,and I him.But, I began 2 get more and more psychotic, delusional..I imagined that the Indians ( Not a bigot.1/8 Cherokee) had put a curse on my town, and 2 break it the Christians must walk around Johnson's Park ( Saulk Park, after that tribe) seven times.And, I told people that.They thought I had demons or a screw loose!Then, my delusions shifted2 Michael J. I thought he was evil,was the anti-christ.And, believe it or not, I got some Christian friends 2 believe me. And 2 take me 2 JESUS PEOPLE USA with my daughter.I thought we'd be safe there.Right when I got there me and the bro. that had taken me there talked 2 Glen Kaiser, one of the pastors there.The first thing he did was call Michael J. 2 make sure he knew I was there and was OK with it.He agreed.. And he told my friend he would have 2 take my our daughter home, as she was scared 2 death. And, I feel badly 4 putting her through that.
I will continue this later or tomorrow.
LET HIS SON SHINE IN!!!

SONSHINE'S Take On Jared L.Gabrielle Gifford's Shooter.

U might say I am obsessed with this.But, not really. I still do my normal things, such as running the house, with Ryan's help, and caring 4 our 4 dogs.
But, being Bi-Polar and loosing complete touch with reality from time 2 time gives me much empathy 4 Jared. Also, my mother was paranoid scizaphrenic
But, I think there are 2 types of people who have these disorders.
One is my kind.If I sence danger, I hide. My mother was also like that.
Then there is Jared's kind. ( I'm not speaking with authority- my view)
When he sences danger, he attacks.
Ryan, my youngest son, who has had 2 years of psycology informed me that scientists are looking in2 a "Killer Gene.". possibility.I am going 2 try and verify that later.
Right now, I am begging people 2 refrain from name calling.
Jared is sick.
Jared needs help.
This shouldn't have happened.
Where were his parents?
Where were his teachers?
How 'bout the Army?
He tried 2 enlist.
I am praying every day that he'll get as well as possible, and that he'll be able 2 comprehend the GOOD NEWS that JESUS loves him, died 4 him, is coming 4 his children: Maybe soon.
I would love 2 write him.If anyone knows if that could be possible, please let me know.
BLESSED ARE THE MERCIFUL : 4 THEY SHALL RECEIVE MERCY!!!

Adjusting Meds.

Yeah, either my Seroquel quit working, or I'm toxic due 2 too high Lithium level.Get that checked 2morrow. Was supposed 2 do it last week, but I thought my Bridgeway nurse called the order in 2 the Health Dept,when in actuality, I had the order and was supposed 2 give it 2 them.
Well, Dr.Satisky started me on Seroquel XR ( Extended Release) 400mg last Tues. Not enough. up'd  the dose 2 500 mg 2day.
Now, this is a real eye opener. All the times I've been getting lithium levels,I've taken my night  time lithium at 11 PM.But,Ryan went in the nurse with me2day, and he caught that she said 2 take my lithium 12 hours before level.Therefore, I may be able 2 go back 2 the amount of lithium that's been workin' 4 me-1200 mg.
Anyway, here's hoping!
Until, they get the right " DIAL" 4 me, I'm an emotional basketcase.And,it is very humbling 2 have 2 depend on Michael J. and Ryan 4 all my desisions ( Except the Bible,it's 2 deeply ingrained in me)
If I lived alone, I would never make it. I wake up at midnight.Me, " Is it time 2 get up?"  Michael J,"No."And, maybe twice more till at earliest 5 AM,it's finaly time 2 get up.
Thank the Lord:Jehova Is My Refuge!

Miracle At Dixon Correctional Center.January 3rd 2011.

My middle son,Daniel has been incarcerated 4 seven years.And, he led a tormented life because he was hyper, totaly out of control.Everyone in my family and my husband's family believed he should be medicated,as did my psyche doctor ( Edwalds).But, Michael J. would not have it.Only God knows the real reason he was against it.Anyway, he finaly agreed 2 take him 2 our Pentecostal preacher. And, after we talked awile,and I shared that I felt that Daniel needed meds, our pastor  said that we wouldn't want 2 start him on med at such a young age. He was 8.
But, that's another story, maybe a book.Now, I just wanted 2 share that after 7 years of me and my friends praying, the prison psyche docs are finaly gonna try Seroquel on him.A drug that I have been taking since 03 for my Bi-Po;ar Disorder.It has helped me so much, and Daniel is so like me in ways. So, I have written more than one letter 2 his docs requesting this med 4 him.And, long story short, they are going 2 introduce this med soon 2 his chemicaly imbalanced mind soon.
Praise the Lord!
YAHWEH REIGNS!











my son, Daniel

A Cry 4 Help No One Heard.

Well, it's 11;20 PM, January 1rst, 2011.I'm really feeling back 2 my easy gong self.The doc adjusted my meds,And, Mike, Ryan and I have began 2 work 2gether, have become a unity.Praise Jesus!
But, now I have 2 share my heart with U, my FB friends.I have 2 ask, did U not notice anything dif about me lately?  I don't know how U could've missed it. Putting on sappy love songs ALOT, being online 4ever.
Next question: If U did notice anything, why did U not ask me what was up, or message Mike?Maybe U think not your buisness, not your responsibility. But, I'm here 2 tell U that we are all in this thing called LIFE 2gether
Whether we be Christian, Jew, whatever.Because we are all in the family of Mankind.Doesn't mean we should pick at each other,but we should be sensitive 2 what we see.There is a gal  on my Friend list that is sending out signal after signal that she needs an inner healing.And, I'm praying 4 her, and I do minister 2 her, gently as the Lord leads.
Having said that: Someone close attacked me cause I wrote that note about what the Lord did in Michael J's  and my marriage.And, it was totaly out of pride.And, I made one wrong comment at the end (Bullying).
When confronted,I apologised deeply, I took the comment off, and I just took the whole note off
When Mike and I finaly realized I needed 2 see my doc, I told person I had an appt. and would get back after appt. She was nice. Thought we were squared.But, when I called her after appt. she had turned. And, basicaly accused me that I'd let this go on 2 long, yada yada yada I said 2 cut me some slack. She said, " Not when the family is concerned.". And she said not 2 share personal stuff on FB anymore, and she'd be monitering me.I agreed. But, now that I'm better I say, " I ought 2 obey God rather than her."I would go directly 2 person, but Michael J. won't let me.So, I'm sharing with U, so none of U ever kick one when down.I'll get over this soon.God Is With Me.Good Night.
.

January 1rst 12:40 Happy New Year Bi-Polar Friends.

In my last post, I was sharing about the beginnings of my ( Not so welcome) adventure with that  Disorder. .But, something I least expected happened, so I'm sharing that now.And, I'll get back 2 beginning story  tomorrow.
I really don't know when it started,but a full blown manic episode had 2 rear it's ugly head once again.
My symptoms were irritability,not sleeping well or long enough.And, there were real issues in my life that I was despairing about..But, I don't feel 2 mention them now.Cause God took care of them in a marvelous way.These are the theory's of why this took place.
According 2 my doctor, Kevin Satisky ,either my meds stopped working after being on them seven years
Or I'm toxic cause  my Lithium level is 2 high..Or, it's a combination of stress  and meds not working.
Remedy:He had me get bloodwork- waiting 4 the results.And, he started me on Seroquel XR with/Lithium
This drug is time released. U take it in evening, and it lasts all day.I'm on my 4th doseage, and I can feel it kicking that manic butt!But, a couple a days ago, I was  bad off as.I had been in 81, when this dilema started
And,it finaly hit me on the head by a 2 by 4 that there is no cure 4 Bi Polar Disorder.
It i sa bit like Cancer.In remission 4 5 years.Then come back. And on and on.
But, the doctors can treat it with meds and therapy when needed,
And,I find that a relatinship with God thrug Jess Christ is most helpful.
And,a good support system  of family and friends..
Bless U. And Sweet Dreams.

The Beginning Of The End.

Well,I'm sitting here with a delicious cup of hot chocolate.Mike's aunt told me how 2 make something  so good even better.Add creamer 2 it. I prefer the Non dairy.
I have some time, so I thought I'd share what happened 2 me in 1981:
It was July of that year.And,my family decided 2 take a trip 2 GA.2 visit my folks.We live in IL.And, what I'm about 2 say next, I hope no one will take the wrong way.Because I def don't blame anyone 4 my Bi-Polar Disorder.No more than I would blame anyone 4 my Diabetes. ( But myself)Bi-Polar is a disease of the brain, a chemical imbalance. U could have the best upbringing, and still get it. It is no respecter of persons.
Anyway, we left about 10 PM,and drove straight through. I'm one who only sleeps well in my own home. So, I got no sleep on the trip there.And,  at my folks hardly any.We only stayed a couple a days, as we had plans 2 go 2 " The Jesus Jam."It was a Fest a bit like the "Cornerstone Fest "( Google), only on a smaller scale.
Leaving my folks was a very emotional experience, and we drove straight through home.My husband now knows that that wasn't a very sensitive thing 2 do. He has learned.He has grown.
Anyway,at the Jesus Jam, I began 2 be very emotional and didn't sleep much there.Our whole fellowship group went,and there was lots 2 do there. Many good Jesus bands like Barnabus, Servant, Shelter, Randall Waller band 2 name a few.It should've been a good time 4 me.But, all I could do was cry, and I talked one sister's ear off.
When we got home, I was OK 4 awhile.Then, I got bizarre at a Bible Study.This was the first time the Bi-Polar manifested with dilusional behavior.I imagined that my best friend was " Shooting daggers" at me through her eyes
Everyone thought I had demons or something.U who are diagnosed with Bi-Polar in this day and age are so fortunate, because of all the knowledge about it, and so many helpful meds.
Well, I am going 2 post this now. Going 2 fellowship.I'll write more later or tomorrow.

















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